Anger. In my opinion, it is the most powerful human emotion. It’s also the most misunderstood. We wrongfully feel that anger mustn’t be apart of our lives, that it needs to be subdued as soon as it rears its ugly head. And that simply just isn’t the case.
Now, I’m not saying anger isn’t bad, as it’s known to cause health problems from heart attacks to headaches when a perpetual cycle of anger is apart of your daily routine. But anger has it’s place in your trove of emotions; it’s knowing when to address it, embrace it, and manage it that’s key.
Certain situations call for anger, and without giving your emotion a proper voice and outlet, you are hindering yourself mentally. For example: you’ve discovered your significant other is cheating on you, a violation they know you take extremely seriously. You’re angry. Verbalizing that emotion, giving it life will also relieve your mental and physical stress, hopefully in the kind of environment where your vocalization can turn to some sort of resolve with your significant other, whether that means moving on from the infidelity or ending the relationship.
It is the automatic anger that comes on quickly that is the problem, that there is no appropriate situation for. Think of it as the anger a child’s parent might display if they spill a glass of water while dining out. This anger is unhealthful, and usually spills into all aspects of life; when a certain person can’t handle a situation, whether it’s spilled water, road rage, or silly mistakes they make on their own, anger is the only reaction they know.
Being in a state of perpetual anger and/or frustration is something that is usually learned during childhood, whether it was dad slamming doors over trivial matters, or mom shutting down when things didn’t go her way, according to Lauren Zander, Chairman and Co-founder of the Life coaching firm HG Life Coaching, witnessing this behavior regularly reinforces to a child that it’s acceptable.
What lies behind anger is most likely control. There are plenty of variables in life that we simply do not have authority over; the weather, traffic, other people, to name a few. When things can’t be controlled, angry people lash out, and they justify their emotions through rationalization. Yes, sometimes the person driving ahead of you is a terrible driver, but getting angry about it won’t change the situation. It doesn’t solve the problem.
Changing your anger does. Now, this isn’t always easy, which is where the assistance of a life coach comes in. After identifying the underlying causes of your anger, they can help devise a plan that’s best suited for you to transform and manage your anger.
Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I break down exactly how to create a strategy that’s best helps YOU manage and understand YOUR anger!